is it just me or does lapulapu look overweight?

moving to a new city definitely has its perks. the delightful rustic ambience of talisay city has proven to be a balm for a newly-anointed home-based writer, allowing the shedding of the more urbane proclivities and the adopting of leaner and less complicated trappings -- plus, paying a relatively high monthly mortgage (for the next 30 years) will change your perspectives somewhat.

i finally took a break from work for one short saturday to spend time with the family. it was appropriate; my wife had just come out of the hospital because of a very nasty infection due to complications from her pelvic endometriosis (benign, but nasty little buggers and right then, it was touch-and-go whether she would go under the knife or not) and she needed some fresh air, some time to strengthen her stomach muscles and boost her system with a little walk.

so we went to see lapulapu eat.

crocolandia has been around for decades. my delightful sis-in-law, janice and her hubby, quiet arn, had been there before and had told the matriarch of the family of their experience. mama ching wanted to see reptiles bigger than those sticking to our walls, and the promise of seeing a 15-foot crocodile literally explode out of the water to snap up a carcass dangled a few feet in the air was just too tempting to resist (reference at least three movies, 17 youtube vids and one wikipedia entry). it was exciting just to imagine and we couldn't wait to get there.

when we arrived and saw how puny the fences surrounding the biggest croc's pool, and the many little itty bitty cute little kids with us. like i said, we were there to see the big croc feed. the anticipation was too much to bear.

then the keeper entered lapuplapu's enclave. the crowd started whispering and waiting, anticipating a whirl of water and a sudden parting of water lilies that covered nearly the entire surface of the pool.

but nothing. one minute, two minutes, three minutes.

the guy must have been somewhat miffed as well and pulled back the pole where a large chicken carcass was attached to, and like a professional angler, whipped it over the water.

still nothing (demmet).

but then, there was a stir... a slight movement in the water. the lilies shivered. at the far end of the pool (were i was standing, incidentally), the lilies suddenly parted. i jumped back. i did not want a half-ton of reptile eager to wish me a happy new year.

but that was it. no other movement happened when suddenly, a huge knob of a nose poked out underneath the carcass as it dangled about five or four feet from the keeper, standing there at the water's edge. without any preamble, a huge head, about three feet long, rose from the water. and the leviathan rose from the depths and roared.

well, not roared as to purr loudly.

and lapulapu didn't really rise, as much as try to pull himself out of the water. oh, he was huge, make no mistake -- and frighteningly fast. fifteen feet of green skin and pure unadulterated fat -- er, muscle, is no joke!

he was huge, and just a little too pudgy around the middle.

one thing i will take away from that experience is this: lapulapu was disgustingly and embarassingly cute!

sure, the beady cunning eyes were there, taking stock of the lot of us, as the beast thought to itself, "Entree #1, entree #2, entree #3... " -- and don't forget the claws. huge easy-access dining complements! he definitely made an impression on me. i was amazed at his size, his majestic bearing, and his absolute -- fatness. i'm fat, overweight, and in dire need of exercise. lapulapu, was just... too fat.

so, after less than two minutes of seeing lapulapu gulp down two chicken carcasses, we were treated to the great reptile's impression of a rug. apart from some idiot dropping her mobile phone a few feet from lapulapu's mouth, we were looking at a contented croc; satisfied with a meal he didn't have to hunt for and enjoying the awestruck and adoring attention of tens and tens of fans that drizzling afternoon. with that, lapulapu closed his eyes and dreamed: the fence was down, he was a few hundred pounds lighter, and there was this rotund overweight bald-headed weirdo, standing stock-still in front of him, camera shaking in fear.

all was well in crocolandia again.





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